“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer’s always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.” — Nora Roberts
A big lesson I’ve come to learn recently, is that if you don’t ask, you don’t get. There’s something quite daunting about asking for what you want. All the self-doubt starts to creep in like, “I’m not good enough”, “why would they say yes”, “what if I’m not capable of delivering my end of the deal”.
We tend to always underestimate our own ability, as if it’s something that we have little to no trust in. Our limitations in life aren’t who we are, it’s who we think we’re not. They are completely self-made assumptions all based on the fear of not being enough, not feeling good enough and not feeling deserving.
If we learn how to silence our inner critic, we give ourselves the platform to perform and manifest the opportunities we so inherently deserve. One way of taking that leap of faith is having the ability to just ask. To speak up and give yourself the permission to take a risk, knowing fully well that you’re more than capable and deserving of providing value to someone else. What’s the worst thing that could happen? They say no. Cool, then you move onto the next person. For every 100 requests, you could get 2 ‘yes’ that change everything and become a springboard for much more.
You not only start creating opportunities that could turn your life around, you also start to cultivate a sense of trust and confidence that is crucial for success in all areas of your life. So all in all, it’s a win win for everybody.
What to remember when asking for what you want:
It mainly involves three thing: concise communication, positive engagement, low attachment.
Concise communication: Clear, concise, well-put together requests will always be more highly received than those with little thought and execution. At the end of the day, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself ‘What would I take notice of?’ ‘What would I be impressed by?’. You need to get into the head of the person you’re asking an opportunity from, and determine exactly what problem you could solve that they’re currently experiencing or are yet to experience? What value could you bring to them? Once you’ve determined this, it’s time to put it all together in a short but clear request, making sure to emphasise the value that you’ll bring them.
Positive engagement: Being highly engaged and passionate about the given ‘value’ you want to provide someone else, is always a recipe for success. You can always tell the difference between someone who loves what they do and are therefore really good at it, and someone who kind of commits ‘half-arsed‘. Don’t be the latter!
Low attachment: You’re going to get people who say no, or who just don’t reply. The point to remember is that for every 10 no’s there may be one yes. So don’t be attached to the outcome, and don’t let it get you down. Simply acknowledge it wasn’t right for this person just yet, regroup and carry on. Remember, everything happens for a reason. The universe doesn’t happen to us, it happens FOR us, and everything is leading us to the place we need to be.